I am 82 and my partner is 67. When we met, almost 36 yrs ago, our age difference seemed irrelevant. However, our age difference is becoming an increasingly significant factor in our lives. My health is deteriorating and my physical abilities are declining. We are also aware that I am very likely to die while my partner is still in her seventies with much more living to do. Nevertheless, we do not regret the years we have had together, and we are doing our best to enjoy the several years that we hope we will still have together. We believe that one reason we have been able to maintain a loving and mutually supportive relationship for 36 yrs is that we are not, and never have been, joined at the hip. I am a scientist; she is an artist. We are privileged to have separate bedrooms, bathrooms and work spaces (a study for me and a studio for her). We do share a bed in what is notionally my bedroom, but it is king sized and we each have our own single bed duvet/doona. This has been essential to deal with the different timing of our experience of menopause. I now sleep cold, while she sleeps hot. And we use very small torches/flash lights to make our way to the bathroom during those increasingly frequent excursions in the early hours of the morning. Now we just need to train the aging Toy Poodle who sleeps on our bed to do the same.
I love this comment. We hear so little about aging as lesbians, and particularly about aging in relationships. I'd like to hear more - maybe a 'panel' discussion? Thank you, Dr. T, for sharing your story with us. (P.S. I'm 69.)
Thank you for this. It's good to hear from someone in such a relationship. I'm still doubting if I want to ask her if she'd be interested in a date (because I'm really not sure if she would be, she never had a relationship with a much younger woman). I do fall for older women but never more than 10-12 years my age. My last gf was only 5 years older. But, as a friend said, there are not a lot of lesbian fish in the sea so just go for it.
A great session. Thank you. You sound like caring friends and remind me of the day long Sunday breakfasts we used to have in the '80s with lezzer friends in Brunswick St covering all sorts of things. *Lezzer* is my new favourite word, by the way. Let' s make it the Macquarie Dictionary word of the year.
A lovely outcome of the gender critical debates is that they are bringing people together in ways I would not have imagined before. Lightens the heart 🤗
Agreed. I have been pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying working with conservatives on this issue. I don't expect to be brainwashed by any of them and don't expect to do any brainwashing in the other direction. I think this kind of "working across the aisle" (US idiom) is what we should be doing more of.
In light of the discussion about expediently associating with one’s natural political opponents when the goal is shared, I must admit to becoming increasingly frustrated by the counter-productive, public spats between sex realist factions. KJK is often the victim when she is, in fact, an important influence for many women (and men) who are not naturally drawn to politics and, in particular, women’s rights. The ‘intellectual wing’ does itself no favours by slurring the ‘grass roots activism wing’. Kathleen seems to get the balance right and I would implore others to think of the damage they sometimes do. I have in mind a singularly snarky letter that, in my opinion, was unnecessary and unfair. A united front is critical to success. I hope there will be more appreciation in 2025 of the different approaches being taken to achieving the same goal, and greater unity.
Oh what a fab episode! You've found your true calling ...
Altho I'm not sure I can cope with Auntie "I completely agree with you" Julie - I do enjoy the differences of opinion, with Kathleen's eye-rolling sighs and look-aways, and Julie's lean-ins and champing to have her say!!
But the Agony Aunt spot is such a super-substitute for the Queer Nonsense spot :-)
I’m a zoomer listener (early 20’s) and this episode confirmed I’m in the minority! I’m formerly trans identified- came for the “gender critical” (sorry for the terminology Julie) discussion and stayed for the lezzering! I’m half thinking about submitting some issues with “queer spaces” to the agony aunt section because some things I have experienced put the queer article of the week to shame. (By the way, any other desisted younger listeners here?)
We had 19 years between us for 45 years. I don’t believe age matters at all.
Well mannered dogs are accepted around here in outdoor dining spaces and a few indoor. My extra large dog is a huge hit with everyone in a nursing home.
I thought i learned from you on a pod cast that dating sites aren’t safe for lesbians.
Fun episode. Wouldn't the logical next step be for Bindel & Stock to put up a dating site here, where women who are paying subscribers to The Lesbian Project can post profiles and so meet likeminded souls?
I appreciate the few comments that were about the substance of the podcast. I hope the future brings more pertinent comments. And I hope you do this format monthly. I like hearing about real lesbians out there in lonely land trying for happiness. Lesbians who believe in critical gender truths are not easy to find especially here in Austin, Texas. Socializing with lesbians - almost impossible. I hope 2025 is better.
This is a technical request. I admit that I am pretty useless at finding my way around the mechanisms of various apps etc., but please could we have a fast forward and rewind facility. This is not because I want to skip over all your hilarious wise words but because I want to sometimes listen again. Today I particularly wanted to listen again to the serious discussion about ‘right/left’ alignment but found that in order to do so, I had to also listen again to all your agony aunt gems!
I just drag the progress bar back a little if I want to hear something again. It would be nice if it were more exact, but it's workable.
Edit: I just realized that you might be listening on a phone. I find it impossible to rewind or fast-forward while watching a video on my phone. I try to avoid it.
Really enjoyed this entertaining and perspective-expanding lesbian Dear Abby. Nice change of pace; I'm looking forward to seeing a weekly segment of same.
Appreciate in responses to the two later bloomers in serious relationships with men that intimate partners deserve honesty and respect, no less if they happen to be male. Cuckolding a partner -- betraying the vulnerability of intimacy through hidden infidelity -- is not morally defensible.
Deeply relate to the last dialog and share Kathleen and Julie's perspective (and irritation). I have no idea why lesbians tolerate attempts to cow, coerce, bully by ANYONE, let alone misogynistic, homophobic trans activists. Think for yourself and speak from your principles. If you're less a loner and more a joiner, in the United States we have Gays Against Groomers (GAG), LGB United, DIAG (Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender), Independent Women's Forum, WoLF and others, sane voices from the right, left and in between. No one else owns your mind and principles unless you fail to own them yourself.
Finally: Cats (who are too dignified to abide being carried around in a tote) really are the answer. To everything.
I wanted to add a couple of things about the dating apps. The problem is not as much men pretending to be women: it's that the algo lumps all the women in the same category. The sorting for preference is pretty much gone for lesbians, I expect because there'd be too few women available for users to stay on the app. So now if you mark "woman seeking woman", you will not get only other "woman seeking woman" people, you will get ALL WOMEN. Last time I was on the apps - on Bumble, it just so happens - most of my browsing time was spent wondering if this woman was straight or gay. Long nails? Probably not gay. Kardashian-like looks? A certain way of posing in photographs? Certain cultural preferences? These are the only cues available, unless you spell it out in your bio. There's been some reporting in the papers (the Times for ex) on the alleged massive exile from the apps, and anybody trying them out will spot that they are all janky and that the problems are not being fixed - it's like they're being left to die a natural death.
I was startled to have a mere five (!) minutes of culinary conversation before the lezzering began. I can only hope (and assume, the cardinal sin!) that next week we will have a good Christmas dinner reflection session.
I am 82 and my partner is 67. When we met, almost 36 yrs ago, our age difference seemed irrelevant. However, our age difference is becoming an increasingly significant factor in our lives. My health is deteriorating and my physical abilities are declining. We are also aware that I am very likely to die while my partner is still in her seventies with much more living to do. Nevertheless, we do not regret the years we have had together, and we are doing our best to enjoy the several years that we hope we will still have together. We believe that one reason we have been able to maintain a loving and mutually supportive relationship for 36 yrs is that we are not, and never have been, joined at the hip. I am a scientist; she is an artist. We are privileged to have separate bedrooms, bathrooms and work spaces (a study for me and a studio for her). We do share a bed in what is notionally my bedroom, but it is king sized and we each have our own single bed duvet/doona. This has been essential to deal with the different timing of our experience of menopause. I now sleep cold, while she sleeps hot. And we use very small torches/flash lights to make our way to the bathroom during those increasingly frequent excursions in the early hours of the morning. Now we just need to train the aging Toy Poodle who sleeps on our bed to do the same.
I love this comment. We hear so little about aging as lesbians, and particularly about aging in relationships. I'd like to hear more - maybe a 'panel' discussion? Thank you, Dr. T, for sharing your story with us. (P.S. I'm 69.)
Congratulations to you both!
Thank you for sharing this, Dr T.
What a love and relationship story!
Including often often unspoken issues of age and health.
As Nicola said, congratulations.
Thank you for this. It's good to hear from someone in such a relationship. I'm still doubting if I want to ask her if she'd be interested in a date (because I'm really not sure if she would be, she never had a relationship with a much younger woman). I do fall for older women but never more than 10-12 years my age. My last gf was only 5 years older. But, as a friend said, there are not a lot of lesbian fish in the sea so just go for it.
Lawks a mussey! bindel and Stock,what a team of agony aunts.! You’ve found your very authoritative niche and hit the ground running! Go girls!
A great session. Thank you. You sound like caring friends and remind me of the day long Sunday breakfasts we used to have in the '80s with lezzer friends in Brunswick St covering all sorts of things. *Lezzer* is my new favourite word, by the way. Let' s make it the Macquarie Dictionary word of the year.
A lovely outcome of the gender critical debates is that they are bringing people together in ways I would not have imagined before. Lightens the heart 🤗
Yes, lightens the heart indeed. I was surprised and pleased when I realized that (gender) politics makes strange bedfellows.
Agreed. I have been pleasantly surprised to find myself enjoying working with conservatives on this issue. I don't expect to be brainwashed by any of them and don't expect to do any brainwashing in the other direction. I think this kind of "working across the aisle" (US idiom) is what we should be doing more of.
Lovely episode. Happy New Year to all.
In light of the discussion about expediently associating with one’s natural political opponents when the goal is shared, I must admit to becoming increasingly frustrated by the counter-productive, public spats between sex realist factions. KJK is often the victim when she is, in fact, an important influence for many women (and men) who are not naturally drawn to politics and, in particular, women’s rights. The ‘intellectual wing’ does itself no favours by slurring the ‘grass roots activism wing’. Kathleen seems to get the balance right and I would implore others to think of the damage they sometimes do. I have in mind a singularly snarky letter that, in my opinion, was unnecessary and unfair. A united front is critical to success. I hope there will be more appreciation in 2025 of the different approaches being taken to achieving the same goal, and greater unity.
Oh what a fab episode! You've found your true calling ...
Altho I'm not sure I can cope with Auntie "I completely agree with you" Julie - I do enjoy the differences of opinion, with Kathleen's eye-rolling sighs and look-aways, and Julie's lean-ins and champing to have her say!!
But the Agony Aunt spot is such a super-substitute for the Queer Nonsense spot :-)
Happy 2025 all!!
I’m a zoomer listener (early 20’s) and this episode confirmed I’m in the minority! I’m formerly trans identified- came for the “gender critical” (sorry for the terminology Julie) discussion and stayed for the lezzering! I’m half thinking about submitting some issues with “queer spaces” to the agony aunt section because some things I have experienced put the queer article of the week to shame. (By the way, any other desisted younger listeners here?)
Oh I guess I should have said- I’m desisted not detrans! It’s definitely difficult socializing, I have to be pretty discreet about my opinions.
What a treat - surprise episode! Happy New Year, sisters. 👯♀️
Age, dogs and dating apps
We had 19 years between us for 45 years. I don’t believe age matters at all.
Well mannered dogs are accepted around here in outdoor dining spaces and a few indoor. My extra large dog is a huge hit with everyone in a nursing home.
I thought i learned from you on a pod cast that dating sites aren’t safe for lesbians.
This podcast was very interesting. Thank you.
Fun episode. Wouldn't the logical next step be for Bindel & Stock to put up a dating site here, where women who are paying subscribers to The Lesbian Project can post profiles and so meet likeminded souls?
a community Discord server or substack chat would be fun!
I appreciate the few comments that were about the substance of the podcast. I hope the future brings more pertinent comments. And I hope you do this format monthly. I like hearing about real lesbians out there in lonely land trying for happiness. Lesbians who believe in critical gender truths are not easy to find especially here in Austin, Texas. Socializing with lesbians - almost impossible. I hope 2025 is better.
This is a technical request. I admit that I am pretty useless at finding my way around the mechanisms of various apps etc., but please could we have a fast forward and rewind facility. This is not because I want to skip over all your hilarious wise words but because I want to sometimes listen again. Today I particularly wanted to listen again to the serious discussion about ‘right/left’ alignment but found that in order to do so, I had to also listen again to all your agony aunt gems!
I just drag the progress bar back a little if I want to hear something again. It would be nice if it were more exact, but it's workable.
Edit: I just realized that you might be listening on a phone. I find it impossible to rewind or fast-forward while watching a video on my phone. I try to avoid it.
Yes but now you can click on transcript then scroll through and see time stamps. 54:25 is where the last topic starts.
Transcript button is to the left of CC and there’s a search fx
Really enjoyed this entertaining and perspective-expanding lesbian Dear Abby. Nice change of pace; I'm looking forward to seeing a weekly segment of same.
Appreciate in responses to the two later bloomers in serious relationships with men that intimate partners deserve honesty and respect, no less if they happen to be male. Cuckolding a partner -- betraying the vulnerability of intimacy through hidden infidelity -- is not morally defensible.
Deeply relate to the last dialog and share Kathleen and Julie's perspective (and irritation). I have no idea why lesbians tolerate attempts to cow, coerce, bully by ANYONE, let alone misogynistic, homophobic trans activists. Think for yourself and speak from your principles. If you're less a loner and more a joiner, in the United States we have Gays Against Groomers (GAG), LGB United, DIAG (Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender), Independent Women's Forum, WoLF and others, sane voices from the right, left and in between. No one else owns your mind and principles unless you fail to own them yourself.
Finally: Cats (who are too dignified to abide being carried around in a tote) really are the answer. To everything.
I really enjoyed this “agony aunt” episode and, would love to see a segment at least, once per month 😻
I wanted to add a couple of things about the dating apps. The problem is not as much men pretending to be women: it's that the algo lumps all the women in the same category. The sorting for preference is pretty much gone for lesbians, I expect because there'd be too few women available for users to stay on the app. So now if you mark "woman seeking woman", you will not get only other "woman seeking woman" people, you will get ALL WOMEN. Last time I was on the apps - on Bumble, it just so happens - most of my browsing time was spent wondering if this woman was straight or gay. Long nails? Probably not gay. Kardashian-like looks? A certain way of posing in photographs? Certain cultural preferences? These are the only cues available, unless you spell it out in your bio. There's been some reporting in the papers (the Times for ex) on the alleged massive exile from the apps, and anybody trying them out will spot that they are all janky and that the problems are not being fixed - it's like they're being left to die a natural death.
This was delightful.
I was startled to have a mere five (!) minutes of culinary conversation before the lezzering began. I can only hope (and assume, the cardinal sin!) that next week we will have a good Christmas dinner reflection session.
Thanks as ever for the excellent episode.